Today's Feature: Ah Beng & Ah Lian

Yes, we Malaysians live in a very multi-cultured country, so unique that other than our friendly neighbour Singapore, no other place in the world has them. What are they? They are Ah Beng & Ah Lians

SPECIMEN ONE: AH BENG

The Ah Beng Evolution: 50 Years of Progress

The typical Chinese guy more commonly found in places with dense Chinese population. Generally has dyed hair (bright golden bleach is preferred, bright red, blue or green is sometimes the "in" thing). Some of them prefer short and spiky hair where as some prefer long front fringes that gives them the occasionally habit of "flicking" their head. (more like a seizure attack).

Typical Ah Beng pose.

The favourite "centre parting" style

The standard issue of Ah Beng-ness: Blonde Bleach

An Ah Beng generally loves techno music and most of the time owns a modified Kancil car which blasts their favourite music genre so loud you can hear it down the road. If you were to witness a heavily tinted car, with deep bass "thump-thump" zooming in front of you, 75% chance it would be an Ah Beng.

A modified Kancil: Licensed to "kao" Ah Lians

Another version of an Ah Beng car

Ah Bengs are pretty vulgar. They speak in a mix of Chinese and Hokkien. And when they speak English, it may be hard to understand their mangled form of English. However, there are those few Bengs who are actually pretty highly-educated but their manner gives it away.

They often think people are constantly staring at them. Sometimes, this aggressive behaviour results in a fight with whoever they thought were staring at them. Favourite phrase before the fight: "Kua, kua, kua Si-Mik? Ai seo pak ar? K** N* N**!". (Direct translation: Look, look, look what? Want to fight? *#%$^@*$)

SPECIMEN TWO: AH LIANS

The epitome of Ah Lian-ness

Ah Lians would be the female version of an Ah Beng. They are something like the Asian version of a Bimbo (Body Impressive, Brain Optional).

Hong Kong pop wannabies?

Huge platform shoes are a requirement for them.They prefer blond/red/blue streaks in their hair. (Their aim is to look like Hong Kong pop figures but it rarely works). "Bob" hair-cuts is the current "in" thing.

With platforms like this, they can easily walk over flash-flood waters

An Ah Lian normally has the need to add their "kawai-i" (cute) factor. Phone accessories and colorful hair pins and clips are a must before they leave their homes. When taking pictures with friends and fellow Ah Lians, a minimum of two fingers must be put out and the head must be tilted at an 10-20 degrees angle.

Fingers up! Steady annnnndddd snap!

Other characteristics of the two species mentioned

Most of them love hanging out at cyber-cafes. If you enter into any cyber-cafes, you may witness some of them playing Counter-Strike, DotA and O2 Jam. They would be either shouting and hopping about their seats like monkeys or swearing Hokkien and Mandarin expletives.

Another one of my favourite past-time is to browse certain "community" websites and reading profiles of random people. Some of the humurous ones that I came across:

"I LIke TO WatcH The AcTioN MOvIe Such As 2fUsT2fURiOS...HErM..C.S.I iS AlSO tHE mOST i lIKe TO wATCH...gHOST bLOcKbUSTER..aLsOaLSo...hMM...aND AlL pROgRAM AT mtV,[V] AnD hITz.tV"

"I lovE MusiX Very WeLL And No bOdy caN stop Me to Love It...eSpeciaLLy EngLish SOng...I AlSo Like tO BikE My SouLMate SkuTEr"

It's a little bit annoyin sometimes to read alternate capital letters. I really wonder whether they have the time to press SHIFT at every alternate letter they type. I guess this wraps up today's feature. Till then, later days!